I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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