I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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