just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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