She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
3pm strippers are depressing
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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