haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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