I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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