i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
