So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
