counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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