Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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