just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
