I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
