I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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