I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
