maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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