i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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