Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(540): View more from Virginia

just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did

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(315): View more from New York

i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today

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(906): View more from Michigan

Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking

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(419): View more from Ohio

I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?

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(305): View more from Florida

Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.

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(410): View more from Maryland

He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover

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