Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize