they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
