the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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