I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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