Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
