we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So many bounce houses so little time
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
