he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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