mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
