Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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