I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
