I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
