I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
In America we eat man semen.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I don't deserve a penis
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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