i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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