you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
