took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
