whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
