Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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