This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
