mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
