Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
