I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize