I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
