Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
