Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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