I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
