My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
All I want is dick and wine.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
