She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
