If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
