So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
