Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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