life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
