considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
