As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
