how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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