All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
