He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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