you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
