so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
