i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
