Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I look better un-naked...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
