i was born a porn star she said
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
