you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
