yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
