So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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