The maid of honor just puked.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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