so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
