we're blogging at a bar
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
