no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
and she was petting her beer can
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
