I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
