another moral hangover. fuck.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
